The 'I' am of tennis - by guest blogger Monika Carless

Every year, as the partner of a tennis coach, I witness the cycle of tennis tournaments as they are broadcast on T.V. Steve cannot be convinced that waking at 3 in the morning to watch the Australian Open is madness, can we not watch this at a reasonable hour? Apparently not. Sometimes I hear him announce aloud to the general atmosphere that it is match point! To whom is he speaking? Maybe he is hoping that I will get up and watch it with him? Sometimes I do, and although I know nothing of tennis, especially the playing part of it, I have found myself musing about the philosophical points of what happens in a tennis match.

Let’s face it, I do have my favourites. They almost always match up with long haired Spanish or cranky Scottish. Steve and I are not always on the same page, he often likes the underdog, I like the better looking or scrappier. Apparently Steve is more evolved than I. But, I digress.

In observing my thoughts as I watch a match, I have noticed that I am playing out my own game of winner and loser. I allow myself to identify with a certain player according to what I see in them that I would love to be an attribute of mine, and from that point on, I allow them to act as a mirror for me, or at least for what I dream up to be me. I become emotionally involved with the player, their game, their every point, and their every move becomes an extension of my ego. Of course, (and you will forgive me for extrapolating as if I actually played tennis), one never really plays their opponent, one can only play themselves. The opponent is the ‘Other’….. simply the person who returns our ball, who reflects our weaknesses or strengths. They are the background against which we measure ourselves. When I watch the match I rarely see the real player, I see them as they look against their ‘background’ or their opponent. I wish for them to be more ‘themselves’, so they can beat the ‘other’. But there is no ‘Other’, there is only “I Am.’ Esoterically speaking, my favourite is the only one out there, if the ‘All’ is One.

I get mixed up in the hope of my favourite player winning, not realizing that by identifying with him I am really hoping to win myself. If my player wins, I leave the room feeling good, my ego satisfied with itself; having gained a moment of ‘winner through identification’. If my player loses, I feel saddened for ‘him’ but really, it is for me. I have lost through identification also.

 The next time I watch a match, I will attempt to see the player I have chosen to be the winner as only himself, not as he looks in comparison to his opponent, or as he looks reflected through my ego self. Maybe I will recognise the ‘I Am’ in the one I hope will rise to his best performance against himself. Or maybe I won’t have a chosen winner and watch with no attachment to the outcome but simply for the joy of it. And maybe Steve will stop talking to himself throughout the match….the vocabulary is questionable from such an evolved human being.